~Keele The Catz's Life~

第四十天 06-05-2010 Thursday

第四十天了，还剩下三十七天就可以回家咯！ 应该很快过吧？

明明宿舍里只有我在写日记，现在每个人都东写西写的。

最近一直听到有人撞鬼，这里真的有那些东西吗？ 从我出生以来都没有看过，可能有听过吧，不过我应该误以为是人,所以都没有那种害怕的经验。

晚上的佛堂课我一直在"钓鱼“，又坐在硬梆梆的地板上,而且佛堂课又超闷的，唉...

今天起来就感觉特别困，可能是最近的活动特别累人？

一大早就在操场站了半个钟头，不知那些教练在背后讨论些什么。 过后其中一位就说了一大堆话，因为听不清楚的关系，所以就只听到了几句话。

在课室里超困、超闷的，还演了基督教的结婚典礼，演得还是神父。

下午和教练们玩了一场激烈的羽毛球赛，对手还是和我同班同组的Suhong。别看她斯斯文文的，打羽球都还满厉害的。

看到面包超人晚上静静的，原来是被他宿舍的人欺负。 他宿舍的人是最坏的,个个都很样衰。

今天上的课是关于我国的舞蹈、文化和防卫术。 老师要我们不一样的种族表演不一样的舞蹈。到了我们华人的舞蹈时，我们的脑海就一片空白。华人除了舞狮、舞龙，还有其他的舞蹈吗？ 最后我们只好把太极充当舞蹈，得过且过随便演了几下。

休息时间后又有关于防卫术的课，提到武术时，组员们都把我推出去。我随便挥啊摆啊就跑人了。

下午和文阳跑了两圈，晚上就和Jude谈天，就这样过了一天。

我们又和以前一样，过回前一个月的生活。 不一样的是今天开始上不一样的课程，叫Modul Integrasi，教的都是国家的知识，有点像国中的Pendidikan Sivik，还满闷的。 唯一的好处是老师可以让我们睡觉，吃东西，讲话等等，老师也是从外面请来的。 这课一上就上到四点半，所以就暂时没有什么日嗮雨淋的活动了。

虽说从早上到下午都要上这超闷的课，可是我甘愿这么过，也不要在太阳底下过。

休闲时间玩了下羽毛球，不知为什么，最近都很快累...

晚上廷勇突然跑来我的宿舍，说form6要开课了。我打电话给爸爸时，他说我的一位朋友通知他了，我也知道是哪位朋友的帮忙，嘿嘿...

Hey hey!
I'm back! =D
Guess this is the first post of 2012?
Ahahaha!

Meh,just feel so lazy to update my blog unlike...the me two or three years ago?
Actually my main purpose of updating now is continue my PLKN diary which has been idled for...2 years? Or shorter? Aha doesn't matter anyway xD

So here it is =)

Yesterday was the last doomday.
After all the suffering I've gone through.
It was such a nightmare.

Well,
It's a past now.
History.

Hope the future will be better.
It must be better.
'cause I don't want to go through the same story again.

Aha.
I see bright sky.
I can smile again =)

30th of April,it was the end of the story.

It's getting complicated and more complicated and very complicated and amazingly complicated,
everything is tangled and twisting and it's making me crazy and dizzy everytime.

Sometimes when you say something,
without your own awareness,
it actually hurts people.

Maybe we dont really being aware of it,
but for the sake of the people's feeling you hurt,
please...
always flashback what you've said.
Recall for what you've said until it hurts feeling.

I know I'm playful,
and I dont deny I actually will do the same thing,
hurting people's feeling around me,
but at least I will realise,
I will apology,
I will do something to solve the problem.

And I also understand very well that I'm not easily to being hurted,
when people voice out something humiliating to me,
actually for some reasons,
I dont mind.
Maybe this is the reason people like to tease me,
humiliate me like they want anytime anywhere.

It's not that I dont have feeling,
I HAVE for the sake of God.
Just I dont mind.
BUT I have my limitation,too.
I'm not an animal that can be humiliated whenever you want.
I'm not a TOY,
a TOOL,
a DOLL or whatever it is.

When the humiliation exceeds my limitation,
and you can see what's happening now.

Final advise,
a good apology has three parts:
"I'm sorry","It was my fault" and finally,
"What can I do to solve this?".

I dont mind the last part,though.

This blog used to be my little world when I was very sad back then,
back then my old life.
But thing changed when I came out from the depreesion long time ago,
that's one of the reason I quited blogging for so long.

But unfortunately,
I found that nowhere can let me express my feeling now,
nothing.
Even Facebook,or MSN,or people...
'cause they just dont understand it.
Well who cares about my feeling?
This is a selfish world after all,
and I live in my own tiny little world alone...

The time when I walked out from my world,
I found a few friends that can really be my friends,
and one of them which I sit closer,
contact and communicate most of time but yet...
he dont understand anything.

I feel so depress when I was being alienated,
I feel so depress when he talks to someone else and ignores me,
I feel so depress when he keeps away from me,
I feel so depress when I realise our friendship is loosen and loosen,
so sad when I'm not being appreciated for what I've done,
so sad when we dont smile to each other anymore,
so sad when other classmates can ACTUALLY find the problem between us(dont talk to each other that often...etc),
so sad when I cant express my sad and depressed feeling to anyone else!

And whenever I think,
the sky always cries,
or dim grey sky,
cloudy.

Best buddy huh?
I dont know.
We see each other everyday at school,
but only speak a few words each day.

I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to do.

Maybe it was a mistake at the first place when I chose him as my best friend.
But still,
I dont know what to do now.

No clue.
No idea.
I have tried my best,
nothing works,
nothing changes.

What I can do now is,
crying alone in my small tiny little world,
keep away from the crowd,
no one can see me,
no one can understand me.

I'm an emotional catz,
I take friendship as one of the important materials in my life,
I need a best friend to understand me,
to express my feeling.

Unfortunately,
I failed.

First of all,
wish everyone who's reading my blog now a Happy New Year 2011!
Even though I know no one will read my blog!
Tee hee!

So I'm here to make a little summary about this year,
which is a looong journey I've went through,
either it was good or bad,
it has passed =)

Firstly for the first few months,
I had nothing to do.
Stay at home playing online game all day long.
Ya,
Maple Story!
Haha!
Seriously,
from morning until night,
I was so crazy about it.
But now,
nah xD

By the end of March,
I was chosen in PLKN,
which I was sooo not happy about it,
that time.
But I have no choice,
so I have to go.

Surprisingly,
there were sad and sorrow but also happy moment I had walk through during my life in PLKN.
Meet new friends,train myself to be tougher,learn something new...
well what can I say is I've no lost participating this "journey".
I learned a lot.
From inside to outside,from me to another person,from heart to brain.

And 3 months sure a very long time for me,
I missed my home so much that time =(
But I went through it =)
so I wish for those new participants,
good luck and enjoy!

After the 3 months training,
finally I came back to my home.
It's hard to explain the feeling,
feel like...familiar...and...
dont know lah xD

PLKN was over,
and what I had to face after was...school!
My brand new Form 6 life in KKHS!
Actually I'm quite happy with my class,
I met new friends,
and they're really really nice people!
Of course at first we feel strange to each other,
but after a month,
we know each other well,
can chat like nobody else!
And that happened also after our seat had been "rearranged",
when teacher wasnt happy 'cause we were too noisy.

And that was the time,
the time I sit with Evin,
which has considered my best buddy in my life xD
ya from my bottom of my heart =D

He's nice,kind,funny...
which makes him cute like a 5-year-old kid sometimes...
and he dont fight back,
at least not an aggresive one.
Most importantly,
I envy him.
Not to mention his SPM result,
he's smart,hardworking which is exactly opposite of me.
Seriously,
sometimes when I see him I feel I'm very useless,
which makes me think negatively further on.

After that I met Vivian,Jellyfish,Judith...lots of them,
all nice people.
At least they talk to me!
Which makes me wont be feeling lonely sometimes in the class.
And we're crazy,insane...xD
and caring!

Exam,
I hate it.
Everyone hates it.
For the first exam I did quite moderate,
but the second,
I slacked,I fed up.
And what I got is...epic failed!
Failed my PA,failed my Chemistry,failed...
And I got no ranking in the last exam.
Which makes me moody for quite some time.

Okay,
done with all those unhappy moments,
now we move on to happy moments xD

Quite lots of activities this year,
trip to Halleluyah,
trip to here,
trip to there.

Well I'm not going to re-tell the stories here,
'cause it's a long story =P

What I've learned this year?
Hmmm...

First I learned to be more socialise to people around me.
This helps me a lot,
in my life today.

And I learned to have fun,
learned to joke,
listen to jokes.
Learned to be hardworking,
learned to be a leader,
learned to be nice to people,
learned how to be a friendly guy,
learned how to my my best friend's best friend =)

Sometimes I was about to give up,
but then...I stand up again!
I encountered with challenges,
real hard challenges,
but I ignored my bad feelings about them,
I faced them.

I found cares,
smiles,laughs,happy,joys...
strong,kind,warm...
support,wishes...
I found my friends!
I found them!
I found you!
After 18 years.
And next year we have to be together again,
support and watch each other's back,
help each other.